he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
