Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
