I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
