found the other keg... it's in the tree
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
