He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
