UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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