Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Houston, we have a squirter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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