I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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