I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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