So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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