she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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