I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
