haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
