So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize