the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
