i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
