Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
