Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
