Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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