He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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