Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
