1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Two words: blizzard sex
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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