Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
ttyl tear gas
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
