There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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