So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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