I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
barbara walters just said penis...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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