You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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