I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
