i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Enjoy the penises
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
