don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
