It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
