i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm like, not good at living.
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