I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
