If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
