Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
