I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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