I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
