you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
