I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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