I just pynch a tree in the face
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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