I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
