I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
