How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I understand Curling. That high.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
