if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
COCAINE IS GR8
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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