Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
