this boner is exhausting
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
