I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
