you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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