what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
