Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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