i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
