All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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