I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
