We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!