You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They took my balls.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
God, I missed his penis.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize