My pussy is not your playground.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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