you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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