He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
