New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
