if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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