I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
