I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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