We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wear drunk well.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
