Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
