took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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