It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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