I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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