Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize