Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
