when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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