if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
