He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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