I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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