where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
