just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
