Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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