I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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