using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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