Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
