so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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